I wrote a song on Wednesday as I was driving to San Antonio. I have music constantly in my head – melodies constantly brewing, waiting to mix with my mind’s ingredients to make another addition to the songbook. But you have to have quiet – and have peace. And a way to get away from the noise of life - which seems to be a more rare occurrence lately.
I try to be patient. I try to ignore the sounds that echo in my head. I’m not crazy about doing that – because I would rather follow those paths and see what rabbit holes they lead to. But most of the time I don’t.
I don’t really know how to classify the song. To be honest, I don’t know how to classify many songs I’ve written lately. So I’ve stopped. It’s like when I went to hear Darden Smith at his show at Dosey Doe's in October. I overheard someone asking him how he would describe his music. Realizing she was asking about what musical genre he’d put himself into, he just had a confused expression on his face and said, “singer songwriter”?
I feel like that a little bit lately. I’m not sure what it means or why but I’m trying to just write the songs I hear and not force myself into one category that I’m “supposed” to fall into. And fortunately, I have that luxury. There is a freedom that comes with a lack of success. One is able to do anything and be anything because one isn’t restrained by what IS.
But I like the song because it is about something I’m coming to terms with lately. And that is that regardless of all of my regrets for my past choices, they have brought me to who I am today. And I like where I am. Despite where I wish I could be, I like my own voice. I like my creativity. I like my sense of self. I like ME.
I don’t mean this in some sort of self-absorbed way. I just mean that if you look at who you are and accept that person – even like that person and feel at peace with you – then shouldn’t you accept your past and even be grateful for the choices you have made and the places your life has taken you? Because that is what has led you to YOU? THIS you. THIS person that you like. Other choices would lead you to someone else – and there’s no way of knowing who THAT YOU would be.
The song is about a little girl looking at her Mom’s wedding album and asking her Mom what advice she would give herself if she could go back on that day. It’s about more than acceptance – it’s about loving who you are and ALL of the events and choices (good and bad) that have brought you to where you are today. I think I’m going to call it “Hannah’s Song” (Hannah is the name of my oldest daughter), and hope that it can inspire her and those that hear the song to love who you are and where you are and try to refrain from regret.
I hope you can hear it someday soon.