Pick Your Battles

As a child, I was a staunch fighter. A truth seeker and a truth spreader. A promoter of right and a defeater of wrong and injustice. I was Wonder Woman, even though as many times as I turned around in the privacy of my room, I never instantly donned the outfit or the lasso (the invisible jet would certainly have come in handy).

Of course, black and white never stay so unless you continue to live in a glass house. I learned that right and wrong weren't quite so clear and the truth wasn't always easily identifiable - or easy to promote.

And that is what changed the most for me. I got tired of the fight.  Granted, that J part of my personality is still there. It is that part of my nature that will never change and will always guide my gut reaction. But I don't need to fight. Not all the time. Not for everything.

So you learn restraint. Patience. Listening. Relating to the speaker. And only speak when you are ready to battle. When it is something worth the fight. Or something you think might change the perspective of your counterpart.

I pick my battles with my kids. I CAN win every one. In a heated battle with my stubborn oldest son (he's a Scorpio), I said, "Do and say what you want, but you ain't gonna win this fight. I'm the Mom and that means I WIN EVERY TIME." But I do not have a dictatorial or authoritarian parenting style. I have a relationship with my kids. I want them to come to the right decision on their own. I want them to learn how to learn. I want them to be who the Are. And, honestly, beyond that, I had 3 kids in 3 years. Some days you let the kids eat the cookies because you've already had 2 fights that day and you're exhausted.

The issue with coming to this understanding and realization is that there are errors in judgement regarding what battles are truly important. I look back on some I fought and regret fighting it. And on the other hand, the "pick your battles" philosophy can lead to a silence in the Self, which is, in my opinion, THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO TO YOUR SELF. I have done this 4 times now in my life (that I consciously recall), and each time it is incredibly detrimental to my spirit.

Silence means you lose your voice. Silence means you quell the sounds in your head and do not allow them expression or freedom. Silence means you give over the power within your Self and give it to someone or something else. Silence means you ignore the courage within you and do not receive the gift of empowerment that comes from standing alone for your Self. Silence means that you underscore that your thoughts, words and feelings do not have value or purpose. Silence leads to a shadowy existence of following someone (usually) or something else and losing the beauty of your unique existence and the beautiful contribution that adds to the souls on this planet.

Why are you silent? We live in a polarized world regarding politics, sex, religion and anything else not related to simple Math. Are you silent because the battle truly is not worth the effort? Are you silent because you are in that place of listening and waiting - hibernating until you are ready to speak your voice? Are you silent because you are tired of the fight and need to spiritually re-fuel? Or are you silent because you feel you have no voice? Are you silent because someone or some thing has stripped you of your internal power?

A friend recently told me that a person who has been in my life is my kryptonite, stripping me of power and strength and voice. Do you have a kryptonite? Is it a person? Is it a substance? Is it a thing? Is it a life circumstance? And let's say you rid yourself of it or at least acknowledge what it does to you? How do you strengthen yourself? How do you find your voice again and find the courage to let it be heard?

My quest of late is to find my voice again. It is not to be heard. It is not to gain some external reward. It is simply to find it within and just let it go. THAT is true power. THAT is what fuels the soul.

Pick your battles. But do not silence your Self. Keep your voice within, but if you have lost it you CAN find it again. Find it through those things that strengthen your Soul and allow you to express what exists inside only YOU.

Peace.

Comments

[Ann Dixon-Smith]

Love your writing, and this post expresses so much in my own life. Thank you!