Poetry

Written Too Many Years Ago (Song Lyrics)

A song I wrote too many years ago. Funny how I don't listen to myself. Hope to record this one on the next album.

I Need Time to Feel Alright

Those were awful words you said,
They’re still running in my head.
I watch them circle round and round, try not to let em tear me down,
But somehow they’re still not dead.

You’re sorry shows all over you
And maybe I’m sorry too
For those careless thoughts and lies that should never see the light
But they’re sounds we can’t undo.

I need time to feel alright
I need more than just a night
I need time to feel my heartbreak
I can’t just say that things are OK
All the damage has been done
And you’re not the only one
Who still feels the hurt inside
Who’s just wanting just to try
I need time to feel alright.

 

The Opening of the Door

I opened the door. Finally.
I didn’t realize that I opened it. A dream told me.
And then I listened to myself and knew that I could breathe again.
Everything that I locked inside was free.
I’m not going back. I can’t.
I shut the door behind me. I think the knocking continues because something calls me.
Maybe someone.
Wanting me to return.
Never.
I will be my Self or I will not be.

 

I Surrender

Funny thing about those words.
Those words that I wrote years ago.
Those words that are still true.
Those hurts that still continue.
Those words that became lies.
The love I thought would never go away.
Blame me. Blame yourself.
It’s always the same thing over again.
It’s old. I’m tired of crying.
I cried then in my pillow night after night
When you didn’t notice.
Now I cry just sometimes.
Just when you wear me down to not mattering anymore.
I’m some shadow in your world. Some face. Some representation of your anger.
I don’t know who she is. But she is not me.
You have won.
I give in and surrender. I no longer fight. I no longer wish for what I wished for.
The fight is over and one day I will be completely free.
For now, it is enough that it is over.
And, as she said, “I am done.”

 

The Bird and the Whale

A bird fell in love with a whale.
The bird sang her songs, loud and true.
The whale was the only one who would listen to her songs.
And the whale sang low and strong in the deep.
The bird understood his songs. The whale understood hers.
They spoke the same language. They both lived free.
The whale loved the bird. So he learned how to fly.
And the bird learned how to swim.
But where could they live? The bird almost drowned and the whale couldn’t stay in the air for more than minutes at a time.
So they stayed apart, searching for a bird or a whale that could hear them and understand.
But the bird could not find another bird.
The whale could not find another whale.
So they sang on, always searching for another
To hear.

I Don't Want to Know (Song Lyrics)

A song that's going to be on my new album:

I don't wanna know what you're dreaming.
Cause dreams so rarely come true
And if you're dreaming about me and you
Then I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know.

I don't wanna know what you're thinking.
And I don't wanna know what you're feeling.
Cause if you're hurting like I am tonight
Then I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know.

Cause you've locked all the doors and you've shut me out
There's no way I can reach you
And just knowing you feel something (or nothing)
Only makes me need you

I don't wanna know that you're trying
Cause hope only causes love to grow
And I can't grow something that you can't show
So I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know.

I don't want to know how much I still love you.
No I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know.

I don't want to know     

Alone

Alone with you.
Alone without you.
Alone in this room full of people.
Alone looking at the stars, a little girl singing to the lights in the dark.
Alone with those songs – those melodies, those words.Alone at the laptop, writing for no reason except to express.
Hoping that you will listen.
Hoping that you will understand.
And I can’t stop expressing. I’ve tried.
I keep publishing. Keep saying. Keep texting. Keep talking. Keep emailing.
Sometimes expecting nothing in return.
Because I am alone.
I wish for that moment when you touch - when you cross over the line of one and reach two.
I want for that knowing of someone so deeply that there’s no fear anymore. Only connection.
Giving up means dying and I’m not ready to die. I’ve always loved to live.
Except that one time.
So here I am talking to you again, writing little words from my soul.
Hoping that you will listen.
Hoping that you will understand.
Then maybe I have a chance of not being
Alone.