I’ve learned 2 things about myself lately. I’m bored easily and I don’t like locked doors.
Exercising has been an interesting development in my life. I never did it before – other than whatever I was forced to do in PE at school or if a church activity required me to attempt to throw, catch or run. I am not gifted in any way athletically. A year ago I started exercising. I had been laid off at my day job and was working part time. I had time to myself and I decided to do something for myself. But I quickly realized I couldn’t do the same routine all the time. So, I did something different every day. Didn’t matter what it was – weightlifting, strength training, cardio, whatever. I just did something to exercise but made sure it was different.
This new CD is different. It’s not drastically different. It is country for sure, but it’s got some edges that extend beyond what I’ve done before. And the next album will be different as well. . . . . because that’s just who I am – constantly evolving. Constantly trying new things.
I don’t know what not liking locked doors means. A few years back, a reviewer even made a comment about a common theme in my writing being about doors. I tried to figure out what he was talking about and never did. But I do NOT like locking doors. Maybe there’s something with openness. I don’t know. But there is something there. The irony is that I work at a job where the person who set up the job set everything so that every drawer, every door is locked. . . . it is like someone has put me in a nuthouse. . . . instead I have opened things more. The front door is not locked anymore. . . . I think it is my tiny rebellion to open what is shut to me. Which I have encountered constantly as an artist – almost nothing but shut doors with no way to unlock them.
Which brings me to perseverance. A few years back, my mother wrote little scrolls that she set in front of all of our places at Thanksgiving that said what quality she considered to be our greatest strength. She chose perseverance for me. . . another thing I have encountered lately is small business owners - people that have owned businesses for several years and are struggling in this economy. But they have given up. They look around them and see no way out of their situation. They do not understand how to change it or to grow their business. So they throw up their hands. They complain. They get jealous. They point to other people’s success and try to bring them down. . . . a few weeks ago a good friend got mad at me. Yelled at me. Screamed at me even. “You’ve given up! Believe in yourself!” The funny thing about wake up calls is that they do not hit you at that moment. It isn’t until some time of reflection that one is able to either discount it or truly wake up. And I woke up. Something inside of me snapped. Something inside of me admitted that my friend was right. I HAVE given up. Don’t get me wrong – I have continued playing music. I have continued to write songs (although not as prolifically as a couple of years ago). But I have given up on my value. I have looked around me and decided I can’t do more and so there is no point in trying.
So I am back to belief. Back to perseverance. Back to that intrinsic, inexplicable faith that defies logic. Back to that voice that says, “This is who you ARE.”
I will post sound clips of the new CD later today and hope that you will buy it. Not just because I am selling it. But because you hear those words and sounds that have resonated inside of me and were called out of me to be heard.
Thank you for listening.
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